weird things my roomates do (part one of many)

- i wanted to make grilled cheese so i went downstairs and on my way down he's standing at the side of the bottom of the stairs like he's waiting for me to come down and as soon as i'm in eye contact range with him he throws his hands up and is like "i'm back! phew that was a while" then proceeds to talk to me about his life for the entire time i'm making grilled cheese, because he is in there making pasta. so while we're both making food out of nowhere he goes "brb" and runs out the door, a few minutes later the doorbell rings, so i open up the door and he's there, with one arm full of rubbermaid containers and the other arm he's holding a metal helmet with like chain mail attached to it and a face plate. he runs the rubbermaid stuff into the living room and then puts the helmet ON THE KITCHEN TABLE while we're both preparing food. i ask him what the helmet is for and he proceeds to tell me its for his super intensive medieval sparring classes, and how he needs as much metal around his head as he can get when he's fighting 6'4" dudes carrying 9' poles. meanwihle the smoke from all the cooking sets the smoke detector off so the dude starts systematically opening all the windows and doors and starts opening and closing the door over and over again and yelling at the smoke to move out of the house.

- i'm sitting here playing guitar and my amp started making this awful distortion noise out of nowhere, so while i'm trying to fix it i hear a knock on the door, i get the amp to stop, put my guitar down, go to the door, and its him, and he knocked on the door exclusively to tell me "dude, you're supposed to plug a guitar into that, not a blender"

i could not make this stuff up